I had my first taste of stuff from McDonalds recently while waiting for my 1936 Oldsmobile to be fixed. I have just turned 101 years old and have been blessed with good health for most of my life. One reason I have lived so long is because I have rarely eaten anything but healthy home grown produce and had plenty of exercise.

Society must guard against having too many old people to support. I therefore support the idea of having McDonalds “meals” home delivered, thus alleviating the need for people to exercise and prepare their own meals. In time this behavioural change will cause people to get sick and die sooner than if they followed my pathetic example of living to a disgustingly old age.

In order to achieve a reduction of the community’s average age I would suggest lobbying politicians to enact a “Bill of Obesity” under which it would be compulsory for every man woman and child to eat at least five upsized McDonalds meals each week. It would not be long before the big M would be making record profits from a younger, shorter life-span, population only capable of the exercise needed to open their front door when the McMeals on Wheels van arrived.